How to Transition From Child to Caregiver
It’s been a while since I last wrote. My dad was in the hospital/rehab since November and I’ve been very distracted making sure he is safe in the facility and able to return home. Now that he is home, my siblings and I are trying to navigate his change in status and learning how to manage everything while living in a different state. As a physical therapist, I have done this for other people, but it’s quite different when you’re caring for your parents. In this article, I hope to offer some guidance and support for others who may have to go through the same by sharing some lessons I learned in my dad’s first week home.
First and foremost, find the people who will support you and help you along the way. This may be physical help from outside services, phone calls from family and friends and especially your family members who are able to help with all the responsibilities. I am not one to ask for help. (I have learned this week that I get that from my dad lol.) Yet, I am also learning daily that I cannot do it all alone. I am blessed with 2 amazing siblings who always step up when I need them. We ebb and flow, and we help each other flow thru all of this life.
Trust your gut. If your loved one is hospitalized and something doesn’t feel right, it likely isn’t right. Trust your instincts and speak up. Chances are your loved one can’t advocate for themself if they are in the hospital. Speaking up does not mean someone else will get in trouble, rather that your loved one will have the proper care they need. I knew that the care my dad received at the rehab was neglectful and though I did voice complaints along the way, nothing changed. I wish I had voiced more formal complaints to the higher ups prior to his discharge. Learn from my lesson. Speak up and make yourself heard. All that matters is that your loved one is safe and regains their health (if able). You have the ability to make sure that happens. Call the supervisors; report neglect to the governing bodies; file a formal complaint….there are agencies in each state that make sure institutions do the right thing so that neglect and abuse does not happen and it’s your right to utilize them.
Safety proof their home. Just as you would for a child, you need to set up safety measures to ensure a safe transition bac to their home. Pick up throw rugs they may catch a walker on. Put in grab bars near the toilets and showers if able. If this won’t work with your walls, set up other solid furniture that they can lean on to help. In the shower, a seat they can slide onto may help. An over the toilet commode with arms can provide support and make it easier to stand up too. Remove any tripping hazards like extension cords or random decorations. Take off the doors to widen doorways and make more space to move through with new walkers or wheelchairs.
Set them up to succeed. My dad had his favorite reclining rocking chair but it was really hard to stand up from. We needed to have him sit in another chair that didn’t rock, and put an extra cushion on the chair until we could purchase a new recliner. This new recliner will also help him to stand up. We put a side rail on the bed to help him come to sit until his hospital bed arrives. He has a bedside commode for night time; a commode over his toilet for daytime; walkers near each of his transfer points; tray table near his chair that is easy to move in and out when he needs it; Alexa enable devices so he can turn his music and lights on and off; video devices so we can talk with him and see how he’s doing when we’re not there; we moved the Keurig and his dinnerware to a place he can access it easily. Some of this may be overkill, but hey! I’m a PT. Giving my clients (parents) the tools to succeed is what I do :)
In addition to setting up to succeed, it’s also important to let them fail or struggle to help them learn. This is called neuroplasticity and is how the brain changes and reorganizes itself to allow for new ways of doing things. If they are new to a wheelchair, let them learn how to maneuver narrow spaces with light bumps in doorways. They may wobble a bit as they are relearning how to walk and that wobble will allow their brain to rewire and adapt to new changes. This actually helps to expand their available balance resources. If they struggle with finding words or problem solving how to make coffee, give them time to figure it out before jumping in to fix it. Obviously, don’t let them get hurt, but do let them work their way through the challenges so they learn how to do it better.
Prepare them for emergency. A life alert system will save a life. Be sure the batteries are up to date, just like you would smoke detectors. A full system in the house might also include smoke detectors which are important if your loved one isn’t great at remembering the popcorn or hot dogs on the stove. The alerts are directly connect to the emergency departments and 911. In the case of a fall or other medical emergency, making sure these are working will ensure your loved one isn’t lying on the floor for hours waiting for help to arrive.
Rest when they rest. When your loved ones are coming home from the hospital they will be really tired. Hospitals are not conducive to rest. Encourage naps through the day, preferably in their bed. This will get their legs elevated which can help with leg swelling, which is common when mobility decreases. Sleep helps our body and brain heal and they likely need more rest time as they recover from hospitalization.
When my dad got home, I felt like I had to get things done around the house when he was napping or when he went to bed at night. This had me on the go 24/7 and I was exhausted. My sister had to remind me that I needed to rest when he rested, just like when you’re raising a child. When I started to allow myself to do that, I was better able to be present for my dad.
Caring for a loved one is challenging and we are really never prepared for it. In order to be there for them, you have to take care of you first. Ask for help; get rest; dial in your diet to optimize your energy; get some movement in; take moments away to catch your breath and get some fresh air.
If you’d like more specific help to get yourself and your family member ready for a return home after a hospitalization (whether planned or not), message me.
You are not in this alone and you’ve got this!